Go slow... to go fast?
In which our intrepid student looks around, deeply confused and stumbles
Hi lovelies,
It has officially been a minute since I’ve posted, and the story behind that is maybe a bit interesting and relevant to slowing down, to go faster.
A few weeks ago:
I ended up taking the week off from writing a substack post (*cough, it ended up being 3! 😆 ) Mostly this was because the whole week, I wasn’t sure which end was up. I felt like I was being shaken up in a paper bag. It was a weird week, and I was deeply confused.
Part of it seemed to have come from trying to take in too much information, too fast.
That week, I was taking two classes at the same time, each with a daily session (or two) and it was a LOT to take in. I really appreciate the work of both teachers offering these free and affordable classes, and my approach was; the more information the better! More has to be good. Let’s get it… Let’s go… 😂
But my body had another idea and basically had me slow the hell down.
I was confused. I was sleeping a lot. I’m guessing there was new neural path ways being developed because it was definitely a hella unusual feeling. I had no idea what to share here, or even what was going on. And then my friend Shanna came for a weekend visit, and we’re were having so much fun and the last thing I wanted to do was slog my way through trying to figure out what to write.
The following week, I was focused on doing a ton of writing.
And then last week was a lot of physical pain coming up. My impression is energetic clearing that was coming through as physical pain. I had multiple days were I needed to take care of my body and rest. And a lot more sleeping. There was a quick trip to an osteopath on the mainland.
Now, Thursday - the Solstice Day, I felt GLORIOUS!
It was such a good day, and the only day I felt well last week. I sent the first 30 pages of my book to start a process to select an editor. Big Step!! And we did a cold plunge at the most magical beach on the island and it is definitely the best way to cool down on a hot day. And then there was a super fun ceramics night with friends.
Woke up Friday morning at 5 am with the creeping of pain at the base of my skull and it took over to become a whomper of a headache. Oh boy, more energy clearing was needed. Did that (will talk a bit more about that later) went back to bed for 3 hours and woke up some improved. Fortunately, my body felt great - ease and flow and not painful or stiff. It was clanging in my brain.
What was FASCINATING is I had no idea why any of this was happening. It seemed like it came out of the blue.
And then, as I watched all of the videos I’m sharing way down below I found how perfectly aligned my experiences was.
This is why I find sharing information super helpful, because I might have been super discouraged, when instead I’m jazzed because what I’ve been feeling is exactly what I need to be experiencing.
I’m hoping this makes sense. If you get the ping to watch any or all of the videos down below - I hope you enjoy. They may in fact help you understand what you’re going through.
Back to slowing the hell down…
Big picture, I realized I needed to slow the hell down. That I kept falling for the illusion that more is better, that the expectation is, faster results are what’s best. In a way, it’s a form of self-sabotage.
Does a longer to do list means we’re more productive? Maybe for you, but not for me. That tends to backfire, a long to do list means I get overwhelmed and am not sure what to do first. Instead, if I have a short one, with only 2-3 things for a day, then I tend to get those all done and more.
What I’ve been learning with somatic work is that slower is generally better for the body to feel safe to release. That going too fast, pushing too hard can trigger fight or flight - or push you harder into freeze (hi, that’s me!).
You could think of it like not challenging a wild animal by looking directly at it 👀. Instead easing in slower, without force, let’s the instinctive defences lower and a little bit of change can slowly build a bit of confidence and momentum.
This is how I’m now feeling.
So taking 3 weeks off here, stopping all learning for 7-10 days, and then still taking in less information than usual, helped me find forward motion.
Maybe like floating in water, still, to feel the current, to know which direction to go.
But my priorities are clear. I’m not trying to get all the things done.
When is it time to go slow, to go fast? Not keep throwing more ingredients into the soup pot and causing it to overflow.
I’ve got another story about this ingrained need for speed, this shows how it’s baked into the body as a pattern.
It was at least a month ago now, I was at the nursery here on the island picking out plants for my window boxes. Should be fun right? We look forward to summer and nice weather and garden decorating throughout the cold and all the winter storms. Well that day finally arrived.
And instead of being happy and excited to see all the pretty plants and blooms, I was kinda stressed. I felt like I had to rush. Turns out my nervous system was activated and I was in flight. Feeling like I had to rush my decisions about what plants to pick and which ones to put where.
Basically, I ended up gathering and flinging plants into a cart and checked out in 10 minutes or less. I was driving home, legitimately 2 minutes away from my house, noticing and wondering ‘what the hell was the big hurry?’
What was driving my urgency?
Why did I feel pressure to decide so quickly?
Well I clued in, that I was in flight mode, and that somehow productivity and taking care of tasks had gotten mixed up with flight, speed, urgency, more, faster etc etc and that accomplishing anything made me feel kinda stressed.
Like there’s a pattern that I have to go into flight mode to be productive. WILD!
It’s only because of the somatic work with Keri that I was able to recognize this in myself and I can only imagine it’s been going on a long ass time. I do remember when I moved here and changed roles at work, moving away from a role that was at hyper speed, that in my new role, I found myself creating situations to try to create more urgency (totally false urgency in the new role), because that’s because I thought I needed. Urgency to get things done.
To end the story of the plants. The good news is when I got home, I didn’t put them on the front step and leave them there for the next 3 weeks to suffer - as I would have in the past (this is a clue about being in freeze).
No, I actually pulled out the gear I needed and started to work at cleaning out the window boxes. And then I realized, I was doing it again - thinking I had to rush and get the job done as fast as possible. I stopped and thought no, I don’t. My dad used to putter around the yard all day long when I was kid. He found it relaxing and I could do the same thing. I didn’t need to approach gardening as a task to be checked off a list. I could instead enjoy the moment in the year when I get to do this, be in the present that moment and enjoy the hell out of it.
And then step back and appreciate a job well done.
So I’m now practicing slowing down and being present while doing tasks around the house and actually letting myself enjoy cleaning or tidying. It can feel really good to go slow.
Hopefully this is helpful in some and you are all doing well! Thank you for reading.
Here’s the 3 videos that really impressed me this weekend. Enjoy!
So grateful for you! Thanks so very much for sharing ❤️